Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(212): View more from New York

She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.

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(631): View more from New York

I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick

Fav 25 1063 4411
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(281): View more from Texas

All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".

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(770): View more from Georgia

I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..

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(316): View more from Kansas

This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.

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(419): View more from Ohio

I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.

(1-419): View more from Ohio

I'm out of town so we should be golden.

Fav 5 2481 701
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(507): View more from Minnesota

You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me

(815): View more from Illinois

I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs

Fav 2 2313 782
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(732): View more from New Jersey

Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.

Fav 6 746 595
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(949): View more from California

So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!

Fav 0 39 36
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