you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
