what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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