i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
birth control should be required to get into college
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
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