thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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