Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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