I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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