HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
he thought i was a dude.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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