you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
