She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
