I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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