here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
