The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
We have so much sex to catch up on
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
