I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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