The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
