i wish my penis had a tongue
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
