So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
