im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
