Screwed.edu
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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