Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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