He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
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