If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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