Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
