He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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