just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Just pee around me
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
