seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
