I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Me too!
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
