Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
