She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
