I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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