are you still at the devil's house?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
