I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
