And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
