You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
