$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
