Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
you win again, gameday.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Drunk is not a location!
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
