I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
we made out on top of his cat.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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