I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
