"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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