also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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