They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I pour the whiskey from now on
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
