WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
