Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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