Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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