Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
