so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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