I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Randomize
