update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
