Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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