yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
